Product 101 - Toxic work relationships can be managed.

Toxic work relationships, however unfortunate, are unavoidable. Today we talk about how to manage these relationships and grow through the process...

But first.... A Story....

The Story of Emma and Sophie

Emma was a junior product manager at a growing tech company, eager to prove herself. While maintaining her busy workload and excelling at all roadmap tasks, Emma spent months conducting research and validation on an additional feature that she believed would add value to their product.

Excitedly, Emma meticulously prepared her presentation, backing up her ideas with data and customer feedback. When it came time to share her concept with her manager, Sophie, she walked into the meeting brimming with enthusiasm. However, as she laid out her findings, Sophie leaned back with an unimpressed expression.

“I don’t see how this is going to make any difference,” Sophie said dismissively. “Seems like a distraction from our core priorities. Focus on what I’ve already assigned you, okay?”

Deflated but determined, Emma took the feedback on and spent the next few weeks refining her idea and re-validating, hoping to address Sophie’s concerns. She collected even more data, polished her presentation, and found ways to align the feature with the company’s broader goals.

Over the next few months, Emma brought up her research and findings on two other occasions. Each time, Sophie would find a new way to downplay her efforts. “Why are you so hung up on this? It’s not worth the effort”. No matter how well-prepared she was, Sophie’s responses were the same, dismissive, condescending, and sometimes even tinged with sarcasm.

At first, Emma blamed herself. Maybe her idea wasn’t as valuable as she thought, or perhaps she wasn’t articulating it clearly enough. But as months passed, she noticed a pattern. Whenever she suggested something innovative or proactive, Sophie would shoot it down, only to later promote ideas that aligned with her own vision. Emma’s confidence started to erode, and she found herself second-guessing everything she did. She was constantly stuck working on tasks Sophie assigned, never given the opportunity to showcase her own talents. Her peers began to notice her frustration, but she hesitated to speak up, afraid of making things worse.

Recognising the hallmarks of a toxic work relationship

The story above may be an extreme example but for many of us, many parts ring true. While we can all logically say that the above story says more about Sophie's shortcomings than it does Emma's failings, it hurts to be in this kind of situation.

The important thing is to recognise exactly what is going on. When you understand you can mitigate:

Constant Undermining: If you are being shut down when you bring forward ideas or try to take initiative, it may be the way you have communicated them. If it keeps happening consistently. it may not be about the quality of your work or communication, but rather other's refusal to acknowledge or support your contributions.

Lack of Recognition: Despite your hard work and dedication, your leadership rarely acknowledge your efforts, let alone praise them. If you have begun to believe that no matter how well you perform, your leaders are not interested in helping you advance, there is a problem.

Fear of Speaking Up: If you continually feel anxious whenever you have to approach someone with a new idea or suggestion, due to fear of being shut down, this is a problem. Everyone does not need to be friends and, as product people, we all end up in our fair share of heated discussions over time. The problem comes when you just stop speaking up.

Stunted Career Growth: If you see your peers who are in less restrictive environments moving forward in their careers, while you are left behind, there may be a problem. Career progression is so very subjective that it can be hard to see when there is an issue. At the very least, if you feel that you are continually blocked when you attempt to take on more challenging projects, or add value in different ways, you have a problem.

Emotional Drain: Worst of all, if you are at a point where you dread going to work each morning, feeling like your efforts are wasted, somethings gotta give.

So what can you do?

It is tough to know what to do when confronted with a toxic work relationship. Sometimes, the easiest thing seems to be to quit, to quietly move on and look for something better (and this may be the best option).

Before making that call though, it is worth considering whether there are learnings to be had. It is likely that you will encounter toxic relationships many times over the course of your career. Learning how to mitigate and overcome toxic people is a valuable skill set to learn. 

1. Build a Support Network within the Organisation

Reach Out to Peers: You can start by cultivating relationships with your peers across departments/teams. You can initiate chats/discussions, join cross-functional project forums, or strike up a conversation to build rapport with your colleagues.

It is likely that someone is not is not just toxic toward you. Use these conversations to establish connections, creating a support system that helps amplify your collective ideas and achievements. Beware of falling in the trap of complaining to your peers though, this will lead to more misery.

Identify Allies and Mentors: Finding a mentor, particularly someone at a senior level who values innovation, can be transformative. This mentor can provide advice, guidance, and potentially advocate for you. You could also look for allies who might support your ideas or provide insights on navigating company politics. Mentors do not need to be formal, try reaching out to others in the company who you have positively worked with in the past and start a conversation.

2. Document Accomplishments and Ideas

Create a Paper Trail: Document all of your efforts, successes, and initiatives. This means keeping detailed records of proposals, research, data, and any feedback you receives. If your ideas are dismissed, having a documented history will not only help you defend your work but also serve as evidence, to you, of what you are capable of.

Highlight Wins in a Non-Confrontational Manner: Leverage internal communication channels, like project updates or Sprint reviews, to share your achievements. By framing updates as collaborative wins (“the team accomplished X thanks to Y”), you can subtly highlight your role without making it seem like she’s seeking attention.

Never underestimate the value of recognising a team effort. It goes a long way to your credibility with leadership and your team will remember that you included them in your praise.

3. Focus on Cross-Departmental Projects

Seek Opportunities Beyond Your Team: Volunteer for cross-departmental projects or initiatives. This allows you to showcase your skills to a wider audience and build relationships with other departments. It’s a way of proving your value beyond those who are holding you back.

Ad Hoc support is also valuable. Be available to answer questions and assist other product teams where needed. This volunteering of time and collaborative attitude goes a long way to establishing rapport and support across the wider business.

Leverage Company Platforms: Many companies have internal channels (like Slack groups, internal forums, or “Lunch and Learn” sessions) where employees can share insights or lead presentations. You could use these platforms to present research findings or product ideas to a broader audience, gaining visibility outside of your direct team. At the very least, attend these sessions and start to build rapport with your peers.

4. Communicate with your toxic colleague strategically

Use the “Yes, and” Approach: When someone dismisses your ideas, try reframing your proposals by aligning them with the other person's goals. This might sound like drinking vinegar but consider this:

Instead of focusing on how your feature aligns with someone else's vision, you can position it as a solution to a problem they care about. At the very least, this will appeal to their ego and will potentially get the idea accepted.

At the end of the day, product people are interested in delivering the best value for their product. Someone else may take credit for your idea and you may have to deliver something in terms of what they want. Ultimately though, you found a way to deliver value and, speaking from experience, enough people will know who was really responsible for the success.

Seek Clarification and Feedback: Try asking for constructive feedback by framing it as a learning opportunity. For instance, “I’d love to understand better why you think this idea doesn’t fit our priorities. Is there a way I can adjust it to align more with what you’re looking for?” This can sometimes shift the dynamic and turn criticism into a more collaborative conversation.

Be prepared though for this approach to go nowhere, at the very least, you will get a fuller picture of the type of toxicity you are dealing with.

5. Raise Your Visibility Indirectly

Champion Others’ Successes: If you become known for supporting your colleagues and celebrating their wins, you can establish yourself as a positive and collaborative force within the company. This goodwill can make it easier for others to recognise and support your work in return.

Present Data and Outcomes: Rather than focusing on ideas that are still in progress, you can emphasise past successes where initiatives drove measurable results. By framing your contributions in terms of data and business impact, you can demonstrate your value objectively.

6. Protect Your Mental Health and Well-being

Set Boundaries: Be careful not to let other’s negativity affect your self-worth. Setting clear boundaries between work and personal life, such as not checking emails outside of work hours, can help protect your mental health in these situations.

Practice Self-Affirmation: Regularly remind yourself of your skills and past successes. It can help you stay confident despite undermining behaviour. Seeking validation from supportive colleagues, mentors, or even a coach can help you stay motivated.

7. Prepare for a Plan B (If Things Don’t Improve)

Continue Skill Development: While trying to improve your current situation, also invest in your professional growth. This might include taking online courses, attending industry events, or working on side projects that build your skills. These efforts will not only enhance your capabilities but also prepare you for a potential job change if necessary.

Explore Opportunities Quietly: If efforts to change the situation internally don’t yield results, you should start exploring external job opportunities discreetly. Being proactive about your career options can empower you to leave on her own terms if the toxicity continues.

 Using AI to help role-play challenging conversations

If you are in this situation, you are going to engage in conversations that take you out of your comfort zone. Dealing with negativity from a toxic colleague is tough so a little role playing can be good...

As a guide, here are 5 prompts that you can copy and paste into your preferred AI agent to practice how to communicate with a toxic colleague. Just copy, paste and then start the conversation

I would love to share with you some progress on <insert something you are currently working on>

Give it a go, see what happens

1. “The Underminer” — Handling a Colleague Who Constantly Dismisses Your Ideas

Prompt:

You are role-playing as a toxic colleague who constantly dismisses or subtly undermines my ideas in meetings. You act professionally on the surface but make condescending comments or question my competence in passive-aggressive ways. Start by responding to my suggestion in a team meeting, showing your undermining behavior. I will practice staying calm, responding assertively, and regaining control of the conversation.

Why it’s important:

This scenario helps people practice staying composed and assertive when their credibility is being challenged. Learning how to call out undermining behaviour without escalating conflict is a critical soft skill.

2. “The Credit Thief” — Confronting Someone Who Takes Credit for Your Work

Prompt:

You are playing the role of a toxic colleague who regularly takes credit for my work during team discussions or with leadership. You downplay my contributions and present my ideas as your own. Start by talking about a recent project where you claimed ownership of my work. I will practice how to professionally call out the behaviour and reclaim credit without seeming defensive.

Why it’s important:

Many professionals face situations where their work gets hijacked. Practicing this teaches how to address credit theft diplomatically while protecting your reputation.

3. “The Gossip” — Managing Workplace Rumours and Gossip

Prompt:

You are playing a toxic coworker who gossips, spreads rumours, and tries to pull me into negative conversations about other colleagues. Start by approaching me at work and sharing gossip about someone in our team. I will practice how to set clear boundaries, refuse to engage, and redirect the conversation professionally.

Why it’s important:

Gossip damages trust and culture. This role-play builds confidence in shutting down negative talk and preserving professionalism.

4. “The Bully Boss’s Favourite” — Dealing with the ‘Golden Child’ Who Uses Power Plays

Prompt:

You are role-playing as the toxic favourite of our boss. You act superior, throw your weight around because you know leadership backs you, and subtly belittle others to assert dominance. Start by giving me an unreasonable demand or talking down to me while referring to your close connection with the boss. I will practice staying firm, setting boundaries, and maintaining professionalism under pressure.

Why it’s important:

Dealing with someone shielded by leadership is tricky. This practice helps navigate power dynamics while protecting your dignity and role.

5. “The Victim” — Navigating a Colleague Who Manipulates with Emotional Guilt

Prompt:

You are role-playing as a toxic coworker who constantly plays the victim to avoid responsibility or manipulate others into doing your work. Start by complaining about being overloaded and trying to guilt-trip me into taking on your tasks. I will practice how to show empathy without enabling this pattern and assertively protect my workload.

Why it’s important:

Learning how to handle emotional manipulation helps maintain healthy boundaries and avoids burnout from taking on others’ responsibilities.